St. John the Baptist donning his “hair shirt.” Image credit: saints.sqpn.com
I recently shared some information with a few close friends about a series of events that has been eating away at me for some time. These events have required me to interact with individuals who are, to put it bluntly, provoking prolonged stress and anxiety in my life — challenging me in ways that I haven’t been prepared to handle.
One very wise friend advised, “These people are your hair shirt.”
Hair shirt?
Merriam-Webster defines hair shirt as: “A shirt made of rough animal hair worn next to the skin as a penance; one that irritates like a hair shirt.”
A more theological perspective, New Advent expresses hair shirt as: “The sackcloth, for instance, so often mentioned in Holy Scripture as a symbol of mourning and penance, was probably the same thing; and the garment of camels’ hair worn by St. John the Baptist was no doubt somewhat similar (to a hair shirt).”
By these definitions, yes, I would agree with my friend, these people are my hair shirt!
As I’ve contemplated my friend’s words and the details of the situation, I have come to accept that while these events and the people associated with them have been very stress-producing, the situation has also brought some of the ugliest, weakest parts of my self into the open. My thoughts and behaviors about the specifics of what’s going on and toward the people in them are not healthy. Not healthy at all. At times I have been less than charitable or loving. And just plain ugly.
I’ve been told the stepping off point for spiritual growth is humility. The good news: this situation has provided many humbling moments! And as much as I want to rid myself of the conflict, stress, and anxiety, I do thank God for the hair shirt in my life right now — for the opportunity to bring those weak parts of my humanness into the light in order to grow spiritually.
“Genuinely transformational knowing of self always involves encountering and embracing previously unwelcome parts of self … The problem is that there are important aspects of our experience that we ignore. Many of us refuse to face our feelings of shame. They make us feel too vulnerable. So we pretend they do not exist and hope they will go away. Or it may be our broken and wounded self that we try to deny. We must be willing to welcome these ignored parts … giving them space at the family table and slowly allowing them to be softened and healed by love and integrated into the whole person we are becoming.”
God knows me better than I know myself. He knows I needed to metaphorically wear this hair shirt to allow those weaker parts to take up a seat at the kitchen table and hang around for a while. Thank you, God, for breaking into my darkness and pulling these parts out of hiding. I pray to continue hearing and heeding His presence in order to be healed and softened through love and grace.
Lisa, thank you for this post!
I really like Joel’s comment that we don’t choose our hair shirt. No, we don’t – because if we had a choice, we would never choose the hair shirt. (at least I wouldn’t)
Again, thank you. Words of truth & life!
I like that analogy that a certain people are like a hair shirts because they’re so annoying. That is a perfect way of looking at it. Yes, I definitely have my own hair shirts. And often they don’t go away until you identify those broken or wounded parts of your personality that are getting grated by them. You have to allow God’s healing to come in and work on those inconsistencies in your personality. Even then they often don’t go away, but guess what? They don’t bother you any more. That’s when you know you’re making progress in the spiritual life.
Thanks for the post!
I would rather wear the hair shirt than deal with these people and problems, but that doesn’t seem to be God’s plan. I am dealing with two siblings who are involved in drugs, and the stress, worry, and ANGER I have towards them is bringing out the worst in me. Like you mentioned, I need to find ways to draw boundaries, while still affirming their dignity (instead of yelling and insulting them, while they do the same to me) and push them to get help.
Do drivers who do (or don’t do) certain things count!?!?
You aren’t talking about family members (or your wife) are you?! :)
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Just what I needed to hear today!
One of the saints/fathers (maybe in the Psalms; my brain isn’t function well this late at night) wrote that if we accept good from God, then why not accept the evil? In the end it’s meant for us to draw closer to Him. I just pray that I’m somehow not someone else’s hair shirt!
Lisa and I joke that some days we’re each other’s hair shirt, other days it’s the kids. Family life sanctifies one way or another! ;)