7 Quick Takes: My Attempt at Humor

— 1 —

Imagine this scenario. Your family recently relocated to Des Moines, Iowa. It’s 6:00 PM on October 30. You’re finishing up dinner with the family and watching a little Wheel of Fortune. The doorbell rings and the dog barks uncontrollably. Something strange is happening outside your front door. You grab your gun. You peek outside the sidelight and see three teenage girls dressed up as Honey Boo Boo with sequined-adorned pacifiers stuck in their mouths. They mumble the words “Trick or treat!” while amazingly keeping the pacifiers in their mouths. You annoyingly respond, “But it isn’t Halloween yet, Boo Boos!”

Au contraire, mon frère.

Throughout the Des Moines metro area, trick-or-treating occurs on “Beggars’ Night,” which is often on October 30 … but not always. What’s up with that? No resident of this fine city should ever find herself in that place with a gun in her hand while three Honey Boo Boos stand at the front door waiting for their sugar.

It’s time we restore trick-or-treating back to its proper date here in Des Moines, Iowa! I’ve decided to run for mayor, and I’m asking for your vote. A one-issue candidate? You betcha!  

— 2 —

Now if that’s not strange enough, there’s an expectation that kids must tell a joke to get a treat. “So what’s our joke?” Joel asked when he got home from work.


I forgot we needed a joke. What … remembering the date of Beggars’ Night isn’t stressful enough? So a quick Google search for “princess Halloween jokes” landed us this solid one, as told by our 4-year-old daughter Lucy. 


A quick learner, she will make a fine understudy one day. And that forced laugh? Hey, I’m looking for a little paid work. It’s for hire!

— 3 —

Speaking of Des Moines, here’s a bit of trivia for you. Did you know (do you even care?) Des Moines was given the name La Rivière des Moines, literally meaning “River of the Monks”, by early French explorers. Everything sounds better in French, no?

Do you think trick-or-treating would always be held on Halloween in River of the Monks, Iowa?

— 4 —

Not to brag, but I think I have an emerging artist on my hands. 

— 5 —

We’re headed (as in the entire family sans the black lab) to Conception Abbey once again this weekend for Joel’s deacon formation classes. Something crazy always happens when Das Schmidt Haus invades the Abbey, which no doubt provides vocational affirmation for many of the monks. One look at us and they are grateful for choosing monastic over married life. 

— 6 —

Which brings me to this, the Schmidt family mantra. 

And don’t you ever forget it!

— 7 —

Maybe you’ve seen this one? Consider it our public service announcement.

Wherever your weekend journey lands you, hope it’s a crazy one, too! For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary.

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  1. says

    That is funny! All of them! And what nice clear diction she has in her joke telling. :)

    We were only an hour early to church on vacation once, when we didn’t realize Arizona (?) didn’t follow Daylight Savings Time.

  2. Andrew says

    It’s hard to not be scandalized by the fact that a family with the name of Schmidt thinks everything sounds better in French. However, I’m glad to see that you’re teaching Lucy to earn her candy and to not expect something for nothing. Hope to see y’all again soon. (If you somehow find yourselves in the Twin Cities let me know so I can get you a room or two with minimal cost).

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