Magnolias – Charleston, South Carolina
A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter: he that has found one has found a treasure. There is nothing so precious as a faithful friend, and no scales can measure his excellence. A faithful friend is an elixir of life; and those who fear the Lord will find him. — Sirach 6: 14-16
Last weekend I attended The Edel Gathering, a Catholic women’s gathering in Charleston, South Carolina. Supermoms Jennifer Fulwiler and Hallie Lord created and organized the event and over 300 women attended. We wore fun shoes, dressed up, put on lipstick and extra deodorant (it was hot!), enjoyed some fine libations, karaoked, danced to music by Flo Rida, and most importantly, connected with and supported one another. Edel has also been called: “The ladies with the babies conference,” “The pregnancy convention,” and “That cool Catholic women’s conference.” No matter the description, Edel, plain and simple, is full of Good Times!
This past weekend wasn’t my first Edel encounter. I attended the inaugural event last summer in Austin, Texas, and had a really good time. But as much fun as I had, on the flight back home, it felt like something was missing. As the plane departed from Austin to Des Moines, I tried to put a finger on what was nagging at my heart. As I pondered, an image from the Vigil Mass I attended during the gathering came to mind.
During Mass I sat behind a group of women. It was clear these women knew each very well, and I was envious of them — envious of their hugs, laughs, shared experiences, and spiritual friendships. I sat solo in my pew and longed to have my sisters, biological and spiritual, sitting next to me as well. The nagging feeling I couldn’t put my finger on was rooted in wanting my sisters there to enjoy all that fun with me. I really missed my friends.
I speak and write often about the power of spiritual friendships. My passion on this topic triggers from my struggle to find deep, quality friendships after I walked away from my career and experienced profound loneliness in my new at-home mom role. After a handful of years and countless prayers, God answered my pleas and placed some amazing women in my life. Not only are they are a phone call, text, or Facebook message away, they are also just a few minutes away. And that’s important because sometimes the best antidote for a bad day in the trenches of the domestic church is “incarnational time” with a good friend. Incarnational time, that’s what my friends and I call it, because friendships require spending time with another, in the flesh, sharing our gifts and who we are – our highs, lows, and mehs – with each another.
It took that nagging feeling on the flight back home from Edel to recognize I needed to become very intentional about setting aside time and energy to cultivate those holy friendships, otherwise those relationships could starve until they shrivel up and die. Even though I’ve become a low-energy introvert since having kids (meaning I would rather spend a quiet evening at home with a glass of wine in my hand while either chatting with the hubs or reading a book after the kids are in bed), my spiritual and emotional health receives a booster shot after forcing myself to spend quality time with these friends.
Since Edel14, that intentionality has paid off: occasional Saturday morning coffee chats at Smokey Row or Zanzibar’s, a Friday night outing to Crème Cupcake dessert lounge, walks/runs when they can be squeezed in, monthly Well-Read Mom book club gatherings, occasional dinners with fellow deacon wives, and then there was that crazy “turn-the-homeschool-room-into-a-bar” cocktail party. That was fun! I’m in a better place spiritually and emotionally today than I have been in a very long time. I credit a few key things, but the forming intentional friendships thing is a big player.
Bringing this back full circle to The 2015 Edel Gathering …
Edel is so unique, unlike any other Catholic women’s conference I’ve attended. I really wanted to go again this year, but I didn’t want to travel alone. So I walked the streets of Des Moines begging for someone to travel with me. I was like that baby bird who goes in search of his mother from the book, “Are You My Mother?” Instead, I went in search of a travel companion asking:
I am happy to report I didn’t have to walk the streets for very long! My favorite sister Sarah and dear friend Molly (both have guest blogged here before) traveled with me, and I’m so glad they did. My experience this year was even more enjoyable because of their presence. And I really enjoyed sitting next to them and a few other fine ladies during Mass!
From left to right: Me, Molly, and Sarah
Pew Friends! (Photo by Susan Husband/SoleSearchingMamma.com)
I know several women who desperately wanted to attend Edel, but just couldn’t make it happen for a variety of valid reasons. I’m hoping my story illustrates that we all can work on forming intentional friendships and finding ways to bring the spirit of Edel right where we are. The road we travel is often rugged and slippery and we need sacred friendships to steady our way, to fill our tanks, to encourage and lead each other to goodness. As St. Francis de Sales once wrote, “…Perfection consists not in having no friendships, but in having only those which are good, holy, and sacred.”
One more thing. It’s scary to put this out there when I have more questions than answers, but I’m going for it. Local friends, I humbly ask for your prayers. A group of us “Des Moines-ers” have been praying and discussing ways to make an Edel-inspired gathering a reality here. We started the conversations last year, and for a variety of reasons, the pause button was pushed. I still feel highly called to do this, now more than ever. I’m confident the Holy Spirit will give us everything we need to accomplish our goals. After this past weekend, the call to get ‘er done has been sharpened and strengthened.
My favorite sister Sarah and me
Molly and me at Magnolias
Sarah Dickmeyer & Molly Myers – thank you for going with me. <3 you both.
Kinda jealous that you get to have dinner with ‘other deacons wives’… I know a small handful of deacons wives and they either live really far away or are not even close to me in my age bracket : (
Fun!! Glad you ladies were blessed with this time! Can’t wait to hear more.
Happy for you!! Would love to get together and here more!!
Hear more:)
So grateful to have hugged your neck and met those sweet friends of yours. You are a gem, Lisa!
It was a great weekend!
Oh Lisa! For the love of holy friendships! I am smiling from ear to ear reading this post. I spent the last month visiting my hometown and have been blessed with visiting my two dearest spiritual sister-friends and my sister (and new mother of twins) frequently during this time. It is such a joy to soak up the presence of these beautiful women. You are so right, as a busy mom it is so easy to just go into low-energy, introvert mode and let these sacred relationships fall by the way side, but also like you, after this trip I am resolving more than ever to make a greater effort to more frequently connect with them.
p.s. I shared the idea of a Living Rosary in my neck of the woods and it caught on like wildfire! (New Brunswick, Canada if anyone is interested in joining us) Thanks!!
Women’s conference!! It’d be great since the one in Dubuque won’t be put on anymore. I’d go! BTW… I can’t wait to see you in November in Waterloo!
Yes! November. It’ll be here before we know it, huh?
Love this post so much! I attended Edel last year and went alone. I completely can relate to that missing piece you felt. Completely! But I love how you changed things up this year and I love how you’ve pursued and been more intentional with you friendships since. Thanks for the encouragement and call!
Thanks, Amanda. I waffled on writing that or not because I truly did have a great time last year and didn’t want to project a false impression. Thank you for validating me. :)
An Edel-inspired event in Des Moines?? Doooo it!!! If anyone can pull it off, I know you can. So glad to have seen you again, Lisa. ❤️
Loved meeting you Iowa girls!!!!
Great meeting you, too!
Simply Beautiful! My ♡ was joy reading your this! Way to listen to your ♡ and carving out time with your spiritual family.
It looks like you had a great time! I definately know some Omaha gals who would travel to Iowa! :)
I am so thankful for our spiritual friendship!!! I love cutting through the fluff and getting down to it! Thank you for inviting me, I loved our weekend!
It was great- words that spoke to my soul!! Thanks for the inviting me Lisa Schmidt! Love ya!
I am so thankful for you and your life-giving friendship! You have put into words just exactly how much I need incarnation time with good women! So when’s our next girl date?
You put into words what I had being feeling about Edel. Everyone was very friendly, but going with one woman whom I didn’t know super well made me crave the deep relationships that I saw other women demonstrating. I love the take that you had on how to develop relationships and I’ll be following your advice over the next year. If you host something in Des Moines, I’ll drive from Wisconsin to be there (or help in any way I can!)
Lisa!! I am so happy that we were able to connect at Edel. I just wish we could have had more time to chat and also I was super bummed that I did not get to hear you sing some Dolly!! :) I wanted to take a minute to say (as my toddler smears finger paint on my back) that I can REALLY relate to your desires for REAL, earnest friendships. The demands of motherhood, homeschooling and our farm life has made it kind of difficult for me to form friendships and to feed those friendships, because you have to spend time together, and I feel that time is such a limitation. Being at Edel reminded me that I need to give it a little more effort, because those friendships are so necessary for my heart and soul. I wish we lived closer, Lisa! I really mean it when I say we should meet up! It would be such a blessing to get to hang out with you for a while (and of course your sister and Molly, too, they are awesome!)!!
Lisa, I believe I read this the day you posted it and love the idea of an Edel event in the Des Moines area! I know several ladies who would probably be interested. Emily Klaus, Jacquie Novak, Kendra Kruse, Sheila Stein, Kimberley Anne, Maura McDermott Koonz. What do you think ladies?
Absolutely! I really enjoyed this post too, Marla, thank you for sharing it! I could really use some “incarnational time!”
yes, sounds like a wonderful idea
We’re going to make it happen :)